Thursday, October 24, 2013

The 36-Year-Old Virgin and His Religious Beliefs

A friend of mine is a 36-year-old virgin. He is very lonely and frustrated. He would really like to be married, but it just hasn't worked out for him.

There's nothing wrong with my friend. He's a nice looking young man, educated, fluent in two languages and a sharp dresser. He was enormously successful in his field before he gave up his career to be a missionary in a foreign country. I think many young women would find him a suitable mate and he desperately wants to get married. So why is he still single?

My friend believes he was called to do missionary work, so he volunteered for a mission to spread the Gospel in a foreign country. Also, he strongly believes one should wait for marriage to have sex. He very much wants to marry a virgin who shares his beliefs. And he strongly believes that God will put that person in his life.

And this is where I believe his thinking is flawed. First, because he believes God will put that person in his life; he doesn't do anything proactive to meet that person. He doesn't network through friends or put himself online or seek opportunities to meet suitable women. To my way of thinking, he has left the "heavy lifting" up to God.

I'm sure I'm going to get hate email for saying this, but at 36 the number of age appropriate virgins that share his faith and would be interested in him is a dwindling number and a very small subset of the total number of woman who would otherwise be suitable for him. By continuing to wait for the man upstairs to put this beautiful God-fearing virgin in his life, he misses the opportunity to accomplish what he really wants, which is to fall in love and have a life and a family with someone who shares his faith.

My friend is a noble but sad individual. In a strange way, his religious beliefs have caused his thinking to be flawed in the same way that E. W. Jackson's beliefs have contorted his thinking. He has developed his theories about God, ("If I do the Lord's work, he will give me my heart's desire") and lives as if these were laws and not theories, which seems to be preventing him from achieving his most cherished goals.
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What your friend does not seem to see it that he is putting himself above all others who are not virgins. He is judging the rest of the world. He is almost say...I am better...I deserve someone who has also sacrificed their sexual desires...Although I am sure he is a fine fellow, he is definitely not following what Jesus, Gaudi, Buddha... have taught - love and forgiveness. He, like so many religious "right wingers," create bars to measure how much higher (better) they are than their counter parts. It's a self-esteem issue. Will he date someone who has lied or cheated? Someone that turned their eyes from others in need? Would he love someone who can't forgive? Maybe someone who can't love?
I realize that I am a bit off base on your question...wait for God...but felt it needed to be said. If he is really a fine guy, he may need a fried to explain this to him...those with no sin pick up a stone...
As far as waiting for God...ask him about the mother in Africa that is waiting for God to give her food for her starving child. Then her child dies. Why does he feel God will deliver him a God fearing virgin on his front door steps, yet let a baby in Africa die? Because he is better than that child? Because he is a virgin?
Go after what you want...Run toward your dreams...Work very hard for everything...and then he can thank God for this wonderful land of opportunity.

October 25, 2013 at 9:28 AM  

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